I am fascinated by human beings.  That sounds weird because most nerds are fascinated with things, thoughts, concepts, ideas, but for me the fascination is with human beings.  As a child I had my own issues with people that started at home with my old man.  I was largely rejected for being different yet curiously, never gave up on humanity, though I may have myself at times.  The best way to go about life is to accept people for who they are, recognize that no one is perfect and that people will fail you, not because they want to, but because they are human and can’t help but to do so.

The way that I see it, men should be men and take up their responsibility for the relationships that they get themselves into.  But life is life; often the relationships that we want to get into are with people that do not reciprocate our interest in them.  At the end of the day, it is the same girl, just different women with different faces, that is doing the rejecting.  You two can be friends, and that is great, but you can never really get past it to be the one who she really looks forward to being with.

You want someone who was interested in you early on, not someone that you were friends with for like three years who has ran out of options or just bored or curious in what you have to offer.  You want someone that you could be good friends with, but that did not tell you about their previous relationships or go into intimate detail about those situations.  You need to know that you are making some type of impact on this individual, that you could be an asset, that you are more than just someone who is trying to get with them.  Everyone is trying to get with them, men, women, doesn’t matter, so you need to stand out from the rest somehow.

A huge mistake men make is in going after women that love the attention.  Everyone loves the attention, but sometimes you can get close to someone because you are giving them more attention than everyone else and you are too naive to realize why nobody else is.  I’m talking about women that don’t have any friends themselves, while you are neglecting yours to be with this girl, women of which you do not have a clear balance of your needs or a clear perspective on why you even want to be with her.  She pays attention to you and listens to you, and you listen to her, and that is essentially about all that is ever going to be.

Everything is fine until you try to lead and take it somewhere.  Another interesting phenomenon is when we give up on our Black women and think that the grass is greener elsewhere.  Just because it looks different does not mean that it is different; so what happens later on down the line when that true person comes out?  Are you interested in their hangups, with men of their own race, with what they perceived you as being before they got to know who you truly were?  Are you ready to address your own issues going into this type of a situation?

You may have noticed that I attempted to come at this from the point of view of a lot of women looking in at the situation from the outside.  Because it is not always a matter of giving up, but it is a decision that can bring you to a crossroads.  One thing I have learned is that you aren’t letting go of anything; friends will be friends and for everyone that is against you in your decisions to look outside of the box you will find someone else that understands completely.  There are a lot of stereotypes being perpetrated on the Internet about people in interracial relationships.  As always, there is grain of truth, but it doesn’t apply to everyone.

No I am not going to say anything to a Black woman that is out there as well.  That is completely ridiculous, I am married have been for a while plus I was doing the same thing myself back in the day, and is it any of my business?  If anything confrontation is only going to push it underground or create an even bigger problem in her mind with other Black men, so why even bother.

I’m not so sure if anyone just gives up; people say that they do, but I am more inclined to believe that people just want to take a break and are just infatuated with the attention that they are getting from other races.  Human behavior suggests that people will naturally gravitate in the direction where they receive the most attention, and the highest worship and adoration.  This is how people are programmed to desire who they desire to begin with.

Most people may have started out wanting or desiring a certain physical or psychological trait in other human beings early on in life, just to have those ideas challenged.  If they got what they wanted, then they continue to pursue the same line of reasoning.  If they did not get what they wanted, then they tried something else.  If they didn’t get anything, they may begin to explore ways in which they can make themselves a better person.  Some of these ways are superficial and external, like buying expensive clothes or working on loosing weight.

On the other hand, if they get everything they want they may ultimately end up finding it difficult to make a choice or difficult to stay faithful once they do decide to be in a long term relationship with someone.  Now you can make choices for yourself and aggressively go after people and win them over, and a lot of people do this.  You can also put about a minimal amount of effort because people naturally gravitate towards you.

The irony is that what appears to be a minimal amount of effort from where I am sitting could actually have been years of studying human behavior and having learned the hard way on your part.  Everyone likes to flirt; if you can’t get a pretty girl to smile at you or talk to you then there is something that you are doing wrong.  Chances are you may come off as being too intense, no one wants that pressure or anxiety of having to live up to such expectations.  You might have also been weird or difficult to read; that works for one person that wants something mysterious but for someone that does not like change that is not going to work.

Men like to say that certain types of women are high maintenance.  I beg to differ, if you aren’t maintaining her, someone else is, plus, there could be a real chance that you simply have not arrived at a challenging point in your relationship.  Women aren’t any different than we are, there could be a clear reason why you do not feel the pressure to maintain, and that may not necessarily be a good thing at the end of the day.  If you aren’t trusted with any responsibility, you may not be as important as you think that you are.

People that do not maintain anything and for the most part, do not have any responsibility, can be at a standstill in their development without even realizing it.  This is nothing to say negatively about an independent woman, but chances are, if I have a limited role that I am very good at and have no need for anything else and am never asked to do anything else I cannot in good conscious expect for this arrangement to last forever.  This is where certain relationships are often too good to be true.

This is also where you need to determine your level of involvement.  Because if you say that you are okay listening to the problems and giving advice, then perhaps that is all that you will ever do.  I mean if you really want someone then how long are you going to allow yourself to remain at that level?  It could be physically or psychologically, if you start to get into her a bit and realize that you want more you are better off taking that chance at loosing it all than remaining complacent with where you are at.  You are better off to move on if there is no reciprocation.

Sexual circumstances that worked in the beginning of the relationship are not going to work a year from now.  You may even find yourself going back to that place where you were five years ago.  The bottom line is that there is always a shift, a change in where this is going.  The worst thing you can do, is fall into the trap of getting into something with someone else because it sounds better than what you are already doing.  People will say anything to get that attention, and then will have you in their hands like putty.  Could you try a little bit harder to get back into that place with this strange individual?  Then before you know it one is on a series of declining returns and you could have just tried harder at home.

What is the worst thing that can happen but for someone to say no?  Do something different; find a place to go to even if it is a watchtower somewhere.  Well okay the chances of your finding a watchtower are rare, but you get the point.   Relationships and interactions with other human beings is one of the most unpredictable and intriguing explorations you will ever take in life.  Don’t take it too personally, like no one else can have you I will kill you type of personal, because that defeats the purpose.  At the same time taking it slow and enjoying the ride is often as good as it gets, and typically costs you far less then when you try to rush things and force something to happen that ultimately, never will with this person …