Advice for black women finding a black man that is interested in more than just one thing …

Television paints both black men and women as being monolithic, dim, ignorant individuals with their mind preoccupied on simple interests that provide instant gratification. Black women like black men as long as that preoccupation is money, and black men like black women as long as that preoccupation is to be there for them. But while the catalyst for black men to be different isn’t necessary there, you have to ask yourself a few obvious questions about a black man, to truly get a feel for just how much of a renaissance man this guy truly is.

Chances are your black man is a renaissance man if one of a few things have occurred; he was raised by a single mother who educated herself and tried her best to impart her cosmopolitan ways in him, he attended a college or university, or even a trade school or magnet school, and he is open to dating women with different viewpoints of his own. That is really all that you need.

Too often, if a black women learns that the black man has dated white women, attended private schools or isn’t that forward with talking to her at first she may look over him for men that are supposed to be urban renaissance men, cosmopolitan men that aren’t necessarily as open minded as they should be. These men often have good qualities; they put God first in their lives and are heavily involved in the ministry or just the church culture in general, they have educated themselves so that they can make more money in the workplace and have taken up a valuable trade or they will support a black women in whatever it is that they want to do because they are genuinely nice people.

Yet these men do not truly share the cosmopolitan and sophisticated mindset that women looking for the black urban renaissance man truly need. In fact, they can be just as closed minded as the thugs in the street they are trying to get away from. Truth is some thugs can be very wordly, studied and emotionally complex and some educated fellas can be very blunt. Women will date them for the wrong reasons, and sacrificed the idea of what a man is on the surface for who he really is at the end of the day, this guy is good for someone else, but not the women in question.

How does this urban renaissance man dress; most brothers are clean, which anymore is a given but how much does their style vary? Are they wearing all of the right things, the appropriate things, consumed in Ralph Lauren (whatever Label) and Brooks Brothers or might you catch them in something that most people probably would not have put together on their own, labels no one really knows about aren’t so mainstream? That is your first indication of the variety of interests that this man may have, and a good sign if it is the latter.

Is this brother trying to talk to you or get right with you mostly or does he find a lot of happiness in talking about his other interests, is he willing to share those interests whether or not you are open about whether or not you have considered him sexually? A true renaissance man can find other ways to create intimacy and may put that off until later on to get to know who is working with at first. He’ll have friendships with other women that are just that, and may have learned something about being a renaissance person from her and picked up the vibe from them.

How does this man feel about you or anyone else who isn’t as confident about having different interests themselves, does he look down upon them or can he pull those qualities out of people in which they are laying dormant? A renaissance man doesn’t need to be bourgeois because there are plenty of middle class people who have just enough money to do that for him. There isn’t any value in intellectualism for it’s own sake, and it isn’t a rational reason to involve one’s self through class. The real autonomy is in learning about new things, not being defined by them.

For all you know those white women could have been narrow minded individuals themselves that weren’t that interested in getting to know the full extent of this man, or were just friendships that progressed to something else. Here is a guy that isn’t “on”; talking proper when the circumstances require it, this is just the natural extension of who he really is. And he either needs to be brought out of his shell, or just needs to know that someone else is seriously interested in him. If it leads to something then it does, if not, you’ve learned something new about who you are, and what you are looking for in a black man …